i can't stop laughing at this...
i can't stop smiling cause this is my life...
i love it...
i love him!
3 years ago
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
good & bye
i just got done finishing the movie shop girl.
i can't say i was particularly impressed by it and i vaguely remember reading reviews when it came out that said it wasn't really that great...maybe i should have read the book instead.
the movie, although sort of hit and miss...did have some poignant parts which semi reflected my life and left me thinking about how i had spent the earlier part of this year.
much like the characters in the movie, me played by claire danes (maribelle), him played by steve martin (ray)...at the end of the story i wind up happy and with someone who loves me, he winds up missing me. funny how those things work out.
in the story, maribelle was wooed by this older man, ray. she gave him anything and everything she could, whilst he kept his distance but played the part to the best of his abilities...never actually being able to master the commitment. living a fantasy littered with fancy things, paid for dinners and romantic weekends, the dream continues for a while but everyone in the audience is waiting for the bottom to fall out. and then it happens...she asks him "why don't you love me?" which was asked in a way which i always asked "him" "why won't you choose me?" and ray doesn't have an answer. like i said...movie mimics real life in an uncanny way.
eventually, just like i did, maribelle moves on, hurt now but knowing that either way the hurt would be there...much like how i looked at it "it just all depends on when you want to deal with it". and i imagine just like in this movie we think about eachother from time to time, sometimes at the same time without even knowing it.
in the end, they see each other, her with the new person in her life (jeremy), a person who "surpasses" ray in all aspects, because jeremy can give her what ray never could...his whole self. ray finally tells maribelle that he did love her and that he was sorry for how things turned out...she cries...but once you move forward you can't go back...because we all know that often what's broken can't be fixed.
maribelle says goodbye and runs into the arms of the one who actually can give her what she needs...
i don't know what happens from there cause the credits roll...but i imagine the characters see each other from time to time, still do that thinking thing but move on to live the lives they were supposed to live.
i think the saddest part about the whole thing...fiction or not...is that the time lost...the time and heart you give to someone else...and how most people only care about it when you're gone.
i can't say i was particularly impressed by it and i vaguely remember reading reviews when it came out that said it wasn't really that great...maybe i should have read the book instead.
the movie, although sort of hit and miss...did have some poignant parts which semi reflected my life and left me thinking about how i had spent the earlier part of this year.
much like the characters in the movie, me played by claire danes (maribelle), him played by steve martin (ray)...at the end of the story i wind up happy and with someone who loves me, he winds up missing me. funny how those things work out.
in the story, maribelle was wooed by this older man, ray. she gave him anything and everything she could, whilst he kept his distance but played the part to the best of his abilities...never actually being able to master the commitment. living a fantasy littered with fancy things, paid for dinners and romantic weekends, the dream continues for a while but everyone in the audience is waiting for the bottom to fall out. and then it happens...she asks him "why don't you love me?" which was asked in a way which i always asked "him" "why won't you choose me?" and ray doesn't have an answer. like i said...movie mimics real life in an uncanny way.
eventually, just like i did, maribelle moves on, hurt now but knowing that either way the hurt would be there...much like how i looked at it "it just all depends on when you want to deal with it". and i imagine just like in this movie we think about eachother from time to time, sometimes at the same time without even knowing it.
in the end, they see each other, her with the new person in her life (jeremy), a person who "surpasses" ray in all aspects, because jeremy can give her what ray never could...his whole self. ray finally tells maribelle that he did love her and that he was sorry for how things turned out...she cries...but once you move forward you can't go back...because we all know that often what's broken can't be fixed.
maribelle says goodbye and runs into the arms of the one who actually can give her what she needs...
i don't know what happens from there cause the credits roll...but i imagine the characters see each other from time to time, still do that thinking thing but move on to live the lives they were supposed to live.
i think the saddest part about the whole thing...fiction or not...is that the time lost...the time and heart you give to someone else...and how most people only care about it when you're gone.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
ppppffftttt
i haven't been writing because my life is one big mess right now
well that's sort of an exaggeration...
which i'm personally prone to
i tried to explain this once to a "friend"
about how life isn't so insane but in my little bubble certain things just make me want to eat my young...
i mean i literally feel like i'm losing it all the time over certain things..
recently i keep putting things on my plate and then getting side tracked when trying to complete them
the only thing i have actually finished is the acquisition of a guitar which i've had for about a month and i have still not tried to learn how to play
i also bought myself a new macbook with the intention of writing more and yet i sit on it aimlessly making new photos in photobooth and perusing the www apparently for the page where it ends...
a lot of emotional stuff is happening for me too...most of it i can't talk about...oh secrets...but it does all mostly revolve around
growing up, looking at my life, figuring it all out
what i want to keep from my past and my present and what i want to let go
i thought i was supposed to have all this figured out with my new years resolutions of letting ships sail on and shit, but like most things in life, i can't stick to any of it.
i was looking at my hands today and they are getting old.
i mean...they are just not how i remember them...they have these lines that weren't there before...i'm not scared of wrinkles but i'm scared of the time line that comes with them.
life is moving fast but nothing is changing...it's some weird cycle...maybe the reason why most people in their 30s say that the 20s sucked...
what is that about?
and with that...
i gotta start being ok with being alone
you think after 10 years of willy nilly kissing and hugging i'd get the bigger picture
but...
some of us are also slightly brain damaged
alone isn't so bad
at least alone i can't get into t.r.o.u.b.l.e.
well that's sort of an exaggeration...
which i'm personally prone to
i tried to explain this once to a "friend"
about how life isn't so insane but in my little bubble certain things just make me want to eat my young...
i mean i literally feel like i'm losing it all the time over certain things..
recently i keep putting things on my plate and then getting side tracked when trying to complete them
the only thing i have actually finished is the acquisition of a guitar which i've had for about a month and i have still not tried to learn how to play
i also bought myself a new macbook with the intention of writing more and yet i sit on it aimlessly making new photos in photobooth and perusing the www apparently for the page where it ends...
a lot of emotional stuff is happening for me too...most of it i can't talk about...oh secrets...but it does all mostly revolve around
growing up, looking at my life, figuring it all out
what i want to keep from my past and my present and what i want to let go
i thought i was supposed to have all this figured out with my new years resolutions of letting ships sail on and shit, but like most things in life, i can't stick to any of it.
i was looking at my hands today and they are getting old.
i mean...they are just not how i remember them...they have these lines that weren't there before...i'm not scared of wrinkles but i'm scared of the time line that comes with them.
life is moving fast but nothing is changing...it's some weird cycle...maybe the reason why most people in their 30s say that the 20s sucked...
what is that about?
and with that...
i gotta start being ok with being alone
you think after 10 years of willy nilly kissing and hugging i'd get the bigger picture
but...
some of us are also slightly brain damaged
alone isn't so bad
at least alone i can't get into t.r.o.u.b.l.e.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
<3
She's not at work, she's not at school,
she's not in bed, I think I finally broke her.
I bring her home everything I want, and nothing that she needs.
I thought she'd be there holding daisies, she always waits for me.
She thinks she missed the train to Mars, she's out back counting stars.
Monday, March 16, 2009
out of step
in all seriousness...not one song can make me feel how this song makes me feel
"i'm running out of time i'm out of step and
closing down and never sleep for wanting hours
the empty hours of greed and uselessly always
the need to feel again the real belief of
something more than mockery if only i could
fill my heart with love"
i wish i could write like this...
Saturday, March 14, 2009
$$
i wish i lived on the west coast in february...or i knew someone who was willing to lay down $150 on this thing for me
then i wouldn't be seriously considering spending $500 on this POC on ebay...cause i'm sure that's what the ending bid will be
i seriously need to stop looking at records i want...
i'm bout to go brokes
ho hum
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
doofus
i'm having serious writer's block so this blog hasn't been updated with anything of relevance for some time.
as of late, some of it can also be attributed to feeling extremely blasé about anything and everything
i don't feel really happy and i don't feel really sad...it's like my emotions have emotions which negate any sort of real feeling...does that make sense?
probably not.
so i've just been sleeping a lot...so much so that my mom commented on it tonight (for the record she thinks i have mono)
i need my mind back, it's gone on an apparent vacation
as of late, some of it can also be attributed to feeling extremely blasé about anything and everything
i don't feel really happy and i don't feel really sad...it's like my emotions have emotions which negate any sort of real feeling...does that make sense?
probably not.
so i've just been sleeping a lot...so much so that my mom commented on it tonight (for the record she thinks i have mono)
i need my mind back, it's gone on an apparent vacation
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
in lieu of a real update
me: this is fucked
carla: lol dude, sad kermit bums me out
me: i think sad kermit bums everyone out
carla: not only does elliott smith do it, but kermit covering him makes me want to die
Friday, January 16, 2009
artist
"You come into the world alone and you go out of the world alone yet it seems to me you are more alone while living than even going and coming."
Monday, January 12, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
funny again
Scorpio - January 10, 2009
The vibration from the planets is bringing you a deeper understanding of why someone close tends to behave in a certain way. Up until now you may have been puzzled by their attitude, which seemed to show a combination of genuine affection and indifference. As you allow your mind to drift over this issue, a realization will dawn that will help you to see just what is going on.
The vibration from the planets is bringing you a deeper understanding of why someone close tends to behave in a certain way. Up until now you may have been puzzled by their attitude, which seemed to show a combination of genuine affection and indifference. As you allow your mind to drift over this issue, a realization will dawn that will help you to see just what is going on.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
funny
Scorpio - January 8, 2009
The day's significant planetary aspect may make you confused about your feelings. On the one hand, you have a list of reasons as long as your arm as to why you should not have anything more to do with a certain person; but on the other, you are very much drawn by their wonderful eyes, their enchanting poetry, and magical sense of humor. What is a girl to do on such an occasion?
The day's significant planetary aspect may make you confused about your feelings. On the one hand, you have a list of reasons as long as your arm as to why you should not have anything more to do with a certain person; but on the other, you are very much drawn by their wonderful eyes, their enchanting poetry, and magical sense of humor. What is a girl to do on such an occasion?
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
issues anyone?
i'm putting off writing this paper...the first of many that i won't really want to write but i have to in order to get done with school.
i found out the other day that should everything work out in my favor i'll be done with school come november of this year. if something should go awry i will be looking at one quarter past that...so spring of 2010.
it's basically 8 classes that stand in the way of my happiness and ability to move on...
i've been so lethargic this past week. it's been really hard to stay motivated enough to keep my eyes open. i constantly want to take naps. i can only assume it's getting acclimated to this new schedule...my life is busy again. derby, school and work are all time intensive. i wanted the routine all back but now i'm sort of kicking myself in the butt for wishing so hard for it. i really wish like everyone does for a unending supply of money so i can just leisurely go through life, doing what i want with no responsibilities to anyone.
but while i'm waiting around for that little miracle...what i long for most right now is to have more alone time at home. this evening i came home and probably had about an hour and a half before my mom stepped foot through the door. she was later than she normally is and i kept looking at the clock savoring every minute that i didn't have to hear someone else moving around in the house. around 6:30 i went into my room and tried to lay down in the dark...like i said i've been super tired...i just wanted to get to sleep early or take some sort of nap. i was down for probably a half hour before i heard the door open, it slam and foot steps...my whole stomach sunk...in my mind i kept saying "god damnit"...hearing her footsteps up the stairs was almost enough to send me over the edge.
it's weird too because although we are in the same house only about 30% of the time we spend here together involves us actually talking to one another. it's the "being" that drives me crazy. yes que finger twirling near head "cuckoo" motion.
so i don't even know what that means for me...
i talked about it briefly with steve...he said family dynamic is different than having a roommate. i tend to agree but there are lots of grey area with that. which puts me in a place where i think i would want to live alone for a long time. when i think about it i probably couldn't ever live with anyone unless they were willing to hotel it for 4 out of the 7 day week. i remember having a roommate and staying in my room most of the time. we hardly ever shared common space at the same time and when she would have people visit i wanted to kill her. the first set of roommates i had, i felt like i cleaned up after them all the time. if it wasn't one thing it was another and i felt more like a mom than a equal. i've never lived with anyone i was dating...there are so many things about me that are strange and quirky...so many things that bend me out of shape, i'm not even sure if that is something that would work. i used to stay at john's enough that it was almost like living with him. there was point where it literally would have made more sense for me to pay rent there than commute back and forth from my place to his, but there was never a sense where i thought, this would be a good idea enough for me to push for it.
steve's solution was a place big enough that alone time could be had but companionship was still an option. that's fine...let me watch my tv programs and then we can come together for a snuggle sess before bed...i'll even cook you dinner but i don't want to necessarily eat it with you...a couple nights out of the week i will want to touch you while i'm sleeping but 75 percent of the time my back will be toward you and me drooling on my own pillow with a half a person worth of room between us (i'm a heater box and i don't need your body heat too). mutual time has to be on my terms...when i want it you have to want it and when i don't you need to find something else to do.
ha...i'm really not this much of a nazi...
guess it all depends...
i found out the other day that should everything work out in my favor i'll be done with school come november of this year. if something should go awry i will be looking at one quarter past that...so spring of 2010.
it's basically 8 classes that stand in the way of my happiness and ability to move on...
i've been so lethargic this past week. it's been really hard to stay motivated enough to keep my eyes open. i constantly want to take naps. i can only assume it's getting acclimated to this new schedule...my life is busy again. derby, school and work are all time intensive. i wanted the routine all back but now i'm sort of kicking myself in the butt for wishing so hard for it. i really wish like everyone does for a unending supply of money so i can just leisurely go through life, doing what i want with no responsibilities to anyone.
but while i'm waiting around for that little miracle...what i long for most right now is to have more alone time at home. this evening i came home and probably had about an hour and a half before my mom stepped foot through the door. she was later than she normally is and i kept looking at the clock savoring every minute that i didn't have to hear someone else moving around in the house. around 6:30 i went into my room and tried to lay down in the dark...like i said i've been super tired...i just wanted to get to sleep early or take some sort of nap. i was down for probably a half hour before i heard the door open, it slam and foot steps...my whole stomach sunk...in my mind i kept saying "god damnit"...hearing her footsteps up the stairs was almost enough to send me over the edge.
it's weird too because although we are in the same house only about 30% of the time we spend here together involves us actually talking to one another. it's the "being" that drives me crazy. yes que finger twirling near head "cuckoo" motion.
so i don't even know what that means for me...
i talked about it briefly with steve...he said family dynamic is different than having a roommate. i tend to agree but there are lots of grey area with that. which puts me in a place where i think i would want to live alone for a long time. when i think about it i probably couldn't ever live with anyone unless they were willing to hotel it for 4 out of the 7 day week. i remember having a roommate and staying in my room most of the time. we hardly ever shared common space at the same time and when she would have people visit i wanted to kill her. the first set of roommates i had, i felt like i cleaned up after them all the time. if it wasn't one thing it was another and i felt more like a mom than a equal. i've never lived with anyone i was dating...there are so many things about me that are strange and quirky...so many things that bend me out of shape, i'm not even sure if that is something that would work. i used to stay at john's enough that it was almost like living with him. there was point where it literally would have made more sense for me to pay rent there than commute back and forth from my place to his, but there was never a sense where i thought, this would be a good idea enough for me to push for it.
steve's solution was a place big enough that alone time could be had but companionship was still an option. that's fine...let me watch my tv programs and then we can come together for a snuggle sess before bed...i'll even cook you dinner but i don't want to necessarily eat it with you...a couple nights out of the week i will want to touch you while i'm sleeping but 75 percent of the time my back will be toward you and me drooling on my own pillow with a half a person worth of room between us (i'm a heater box and i don't need your body heat too). mutual time has to be on my terms...when i want it you have to want it and when i don't you need to find something else to do.
ha...i'm really not this much of a nazi...
guess it all depends...
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
fu*kity fu*k fu*k
i almost punched someone at practice tonight
i'm sick of people being so disrespectful
i'm not pulling rank i'm just trying to help you stupid
but that's fine dig your own grave...
i seriously don't have time to worry about you when i'm going through my own performance anxiety lately
why is roller derby so hard right now!
i do sometimes wish street justice was an acceptable form of problem resolution...
people seriously have no clue...
ok that was 16yr old danielle talking...
but man she's been rearing her ugly head lately
yoga...
i'm sick of people being so disrespectful
i'm not pulling rank i'm just trying to help you stupid
but that's fine dig your own grave...
i seriously don't have time to worry about you when i'm going through my own performance anxiety lately
why is roller derby so hard right now!
i do sometimes wish street justice was an acceptable form of problem resolution...
people seriously have no clue...
ok that was 16yr old danielle talking...
but man she's been rearing her ugly head lately
yoga...
bitch n moan
my knee hurts
i need a new set of plates for my skates
i have the worst bruises i've ever gotten skating from a fall resulting in said plates being annihilated...
i hate getting up in the morning!
there isn't even sun out!
serenity now...serenity at any point today
i need a new set of plates for my skates
i have the worst bruises i've ever gotten skating from a fall resulting in said plates being annihilated...
i hate getting up in the morning!
there isn't even sun out!
serenity now...serenity at any point today
Monday, January 5, 2009
!!!!
OMG bad brains van's that are NOT the sk8 hi!loved the supreme collaboration but would never wear them
these babies on the other hand
get on my feet!!!!!
!!!!!!!! excitement !!!!!!!
release date in february 09
someone at van's loves me
they're giving me a
www.highsnobiety.com/news/2008/12/05/vans-x-bad-brains-spring-2009-collection/
Sunday, January 4, 2009
eclectic
i'm going crazy over the instruments they use in this song...
seriously...a recorder?
love the 80's
love depeche mode
i was just making 1 the year this video takes place
further proving i was born in the wrong decade
Friday, January 2, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
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